Why Joy Is Not a Reward — It's Your Birthright
You've spent decades earning your worth, but joy isn't a prize you win. It's the inherent essence of who you are, waiting to be reclaimed.
You have been taught that joy is a reward you must earn. That belief is a lie.
For too long, you’ve treated joy like a bonus, a prize for enduring, a pat on the head for putting everyone else first. You’ve been conditioned to believe your worth is tied to your sacrifice, your utility. You wear exhaustion like a badge of honour. But true, unapologetic joy? That feels like a luxury you can’t afford, or worse, something you don’t deserve until every item on the endless to-do list is checked off.
The "Too Much" Myth
I know this feeling intimately. For years, my own joy felt conditional. I had an internal ledger: "Helped Sarah with her anxiety, +5 joy points. Baked three dozen cookies for the school fundraiser, +10 joy points. Sacrificed weekend for husband’s work event, +20 joy points." The moment I stopped "earning," the joy points dwindled. I’d grown so accustomed to this transactional relationship with my own happiness that I didn’t even realize it was happening.
We’re taught, especially as women, that our desires are "too much." Too loud, too big, too selfish. We dim our own light, believing it makes us more palatable, less demanding. This is the "too much" myth at play. It tells you to shrink, to apologise for wanting more than just survival. But your desire is your compass. It’s divine instruction.
One crisp autumn morning, walking through a forest, I saw a single, vibrant mushroom growing defiantly. It wasn't doing anything productive. It wasn't helping anyone. It was just being. And in that moment, in its simple, unapologetic existence, I saw pure beauty. A thought, clear as a bell, pierced through my internal chatter: "That mushroom isn't earning its right to be beautiful. It just IS."
And neither, my dear one, are you.
Joy Is Your Damn Birthright
This isn't about being irresponsible or abandoning your duties. It’s about a profound shift in perspective. It's about understanding that joy is not a prize you win at the end of a long, arduous race. It's not